Holiday Fabulosity

Courtesy of Guess Marciano

Wow. Times fly when the seasons change! Fall is officially here with Thanksgiving only a few days away. Just when I thought I was done dolling up for charity gala season, tonight I head out for the beginning of a sleuth of holiday parties. For many of us, the holidays are a festive but stressful time of year because there's so much going on. The last thing anyone wants to worry about is what to wear. With the range of parties that one might be obliged to appear at - from corporate holiday parties, to family gatherings to cocktail parties at friends' homes, manuvering in your closet to decide what to wear from event to event can get overwhelming.

For some, your natural inclination may be to resort to wearing the same outfit to every event in name of being efficient. My response: don't you dare. Not for fear of being caught wearing the same outfit twice (although for some of us, this may THE single most important thing to consider), but because I'm here to tell you today that it's not that hard to put yourself together and look festive and fabulous!

Corporate Holiday Functions: Just because a company adds "party" to the event title does not mean the rules of work attire become moot. Practice erring on the safe side versus wild side when it comes to corporate functions. Do not under any circumstance, literally bust out the "girls", wear spandex, or something inappropriately short, even if you think you can because you "look and feel young". Remember, these people will see you again on Monday morning and if your career means anything to you, you'll want them to continue to see you as a serious professional rather than the office tart. Equally important in this crowd is your behavior. For the love of Prada, please do not get wasted. Perceptions can change very quickly and stay for the long haul. Look for dresses no higher than 2-3 inches above your knees. Choose a top that keeps your cleavage a secret between you and Victoria. Tea-length, A-line LBDs with a beautiful brooch, full skirt dresses or crisp winter white slacks with a metallic top and a cute sweater, shawl or scarf would be great combinations. Feel free to play with accessories and shoes to create the drama that you want for an evening affaire.

Family Gatherings: If your family gatherings tend to be more formal, I would suggest dressing as you would to a corporate event. Unless of course, you like it when good ol' Uncle Frank checks out your rack over the turkey on the table. If your family gatherings are more casual, then jeans, boots, and a cute top with a sweater wrap and you're ready to go!

Cocktail Parties at Someone's Home: At holiday cocktail party, I would give you more license to sass it up just a bit. And this is really up to you and how well you know the host and their friends. If everyone tends to doll it up, then by all means have fun with it! There are so many great dresses this season in metallics, sparkles, royal hues, and winter whites. I love it all; just not all in one dress, so choose wisely. Remember this isn't a lounge, a club or a gala so keep it simple...if you choose to go with a sparkly top, pair it with slacks or a black skirt and a boyfriend blazer and great heels.

New Year's Eve Parties: I love New Years Eve parties. What's not to love? Guys look incredibly dashing in suits and tuxedos. Women have amazingly decadent party dresses. There's a lot of champagne and oh, there's a lot of champange! And there's the countdown when you draw the closest person to you at midnight for a kiss, whether they came with you to the party or not! I only have one rule for you to remember when dressing for NYE: Choose only one part to show off. What does this mean? If you choose to go with a dress that highlights your chest, then keep the leg and back baring to a minimum. If you choose to show off your back, keep your chest and legs tastefully covered. If you choose to go all legs, then keep everything else simple. You get the picture. The goal here is to create a fun but classy look, not a trashy one.

In general, other things to keep in mind: Don't drink and drive. If you do drink, call a town car, get a room, or have a designated driver. Always bring a small gift for the host if you're attending an event at someone's home. If you bring a date, don't forget to introduce them to everyone if they don't know anyone there. It sucks to be a plus one and be forgotten...better to show up solo if you plan to drop your plus one off at the door with your coat. Ask the host if they need any help before, during or after the event. Putting together events is a huge undertaking so even if it just means picking up after yourself, it would be a great help to the host.

And of course, eat, drink, laugh and be merry! Happy holidays!!!

The Beauty of Bucket Lists

Courtesy of the World Wide Web

Most of my life I had always had the comfort of knowing what was was coming next in my life. I was very blessed to have a stable family life and much of knowing where I was going was due to the support and guidance of my parents. Because of this, I became quite skilled at planning and liked knowing what was next. Graduate high school, go to college, meet a guy in college, graduate college, marry guy from college, start first career...check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Divorce guy I married from college - cheeeeeck...wait a minute. Crap. That wasn't part of the plan!

So there I was in my mid 20s, completely off my proverbial path with no plan. If you know a planner or you are one yourself, you know how unnerving it feels for a planner to be smacked in the face with this unknown reality called AMBIGUITY. Not to know what would come next was damn near frightening. As I fumbled through the first year in this place called ambiguity, frantically trying to find where the emergency exits were, I began to slowly take in this bizarre and incredibly uncomfortable position I found myself in.

Bucket lists as we all traditionally know them to be, are reserved for the time in life when we need an assessment of everything we've done or wanted to do in life before we 'kick the bucket'. But why only use it for that purpose? And why wait until then?

So I created my own list. And rather than live the linear life that I thought I wanted and what was expected of me, I began to ever so cautiously find bits of joy in the freedom of being able to design my life in any way I wanted. It was like being given a huge empty blank canvas and being told paint anything I want. And so I did. I will never forget the first time I hailed a cab in Manhattan. And learned to enjoy eating in a restaurant at a table for one. Or when I booked my first modeling job and recieved my first paycheck. Or the first day of grad school. When I saw the Effel Tower for the first time. Or when I produced my first fashion show. And ziplined in the Costa Rican rainforests.

I am now in my early 30s and though I know I'm still young in the grand scheme of things, the past few years have been overwhelmingly abundant and exhilarating. The moment I allowed myself to accept ambiguity, it freed me to explore outside the box and ask myself, what if and why not. Bucket lists aren't about endings or about where you are in terms of years left in life. It's really about creating new beginnings and starting wherever you may be. You may have experienced a great loss like a partner or a job, but realize this is not where your story ends. It's where a new one begins. So take out a piece of paper, poster board, journal or e-pad and start your own bucket list and design your future in ways you never could imagine. You will never find a more rewarding way to plan your life.

Do You Suffer From AMGS?



Courtesy of the World Wide Web

 [enter: ambiguous voice of a prescription medication commercial]

Have you or anyone you know ever experienced any of the following symptoms?

- Made fun of strangers for their physical appearance

- Talked negatively behind a friend's back

- Played a prank on a friend in the name of humor

- Spread rumors that damaged someone's reputation

- Purposely criticized a friend to fuel their insecurities

- Demean someone's character or confidence

- Dismissed a friend's feelings

- Tormented, embarrassed or harassed a friend or stranger in public

You may also experience other symptoms such as: verbal diarhhea, inability to keep secrets, insincerity, lack of compassion and tolerance, challenges in giving others compliments, closemindedness, jealously, fear, insecurity, joy in seeing others in agony and scarcity.

If you have said yes to any of these, then you or someone you know may be suffering from AMGS - Adult Mean Girl Syndrome. It can also be known as Adult Mean Guy Syndrome, as this pyschological ailment does not discriminate between genders.

What is AMGS?

AMGS is prevalent in today's culture and can be easily found anywhere - in the workplace, among circles of friends, within families, and worst of all it is highly sensationalized in the media. From shows like the Bad Girls Club to The Housewives of 'Enter Major City Here', we see horrific displays of AMGS among women. With shows like this on the air, it's no wonder why we see so many heartbreaking stories of teen suicide due to bullying.

Let's face it, no matter how much we may think our kids can think for themselves (and many of them do), they also learn by watching what we as adults do. And if they see adults treating one another with little to no respect, guess what? They will do the same because they think if it works for us, then it must work for them.

The Cure.

Obviously there is no psychological condition called AMGS and all joking aside, women's bad behavior towards other women truly does absolutely nothing for the advancement of women in today's society. No, let's take it one step further; it does nothing for our society as a whole. If anything, it makes us look back asswards. It's disturbing that some take Darwin's concept of survival of the fittest to mean that cutting down someone's existence will make them better, if not the best, above everyone else.

So what is the cure for AMGS? Treatment and rehabilitation can include respect, kindness, compassion, empathy, humility, abundance, generosity, sincerity, tolerance, acceptance. Combatting AMGS isn't easy, but it's also not impossible. Those who know their boundaries and learn to speak up for themselves and others will not only survive AMGS but overcome it. By simply choosing not to accept AMGS in our lives, we make room to create a nurturing community of friends and family who will encourage your further development and growth.

A Moment of Reflection

Courtesy of the World Wide Web

Yesterday I was delighted to have experienced one of the most inspiring founding board retreats I had ever been a part of. We stretched our imaginations and dreamed infinitely about where we could see this organization in 10 years and what its impact would be on communities all over the world. But before we could even look 10 years ahead for the organization, I was posed with a challenge by a fellow board member to reflect on my own life, not looking ahead but looking back at the past 10 years.

When someone asks to you to look back on the last 10 years of your life, it can be a bit daunting. But as this question began to settle itself in my mind and I allowed it to be digested for thought, it turned out to be a revealing and enriching process. At first it felt like watching a movie or film reel of short images that flickered onto screen; memories of all sorts - ones full of laughter, passion, joy, pride, humility, pain, heartache, forgiveness. But as I continued to look deeper, I realized how much I had grown and learned, good and bad and I realized how grateful I felt for having had those experiences happen to/for/by me over the past 10 years.

For many of us, we may look back on our last 10 years and say that we feel pretty good about what we've done and how we've gotten to where we are today. For others, looking back might remind us of how much more we have to go because we're not where we expected to be. Or perhaps we fear looking back only reminds us that we're getting old and we're determined to somehow be that one person who miraculously finally figures out how to stop time.

I'm an avid believer in living in the moment but I also think there is so much value to gifting ourselves the time to reflect. Without it, you wind up at the end of the road with no idea how the heck you got there with no markers, milestones or memories. Reflection affords us the ability to find quiet and peace from the noise around us, to celebrate successes, and to process life changes. Most importantly, reflection provides us with the inner guidance, wisdom, and clarity we need in order to ensure our next life experience is rich and meaningful.

But don't be fooled to believe that reflection is the same as allowing the past to paralyze you from moving forward. There is nothing that frustrates me more than meeting a person who excuses themselves from being a person of greatness because unfortunate or painful situations happened to them in their past. The present, let alone the past does not predict your future. Learn your lessons through reflection and move on so you can get to the real business of the day, which is to answer the question, how do I live the best version of myself today?

Off the rack to off the hook...with heart.

Courtesy of the Uniform Project

This week I write, inspired by two serendipitous moments which transpired over the course of the last few weeks. It started out with a fabulous coffee date with one of my favorite stylists-turned-fashion designer and friend, Simeon Dacumos. During our conversation, he mentioned an amazing project that raised money for charities using fashion as a mode to communicate their social change message. How brilliant, I thought! A few days later, my Lucky magazine issue arrived and there it was again! There was no denying that I had to let the world (or at least my blog world) know about this project.

Enter: The Uniform Project.

The story is truly told best in their own words from www.uniformproject.com:

"The Uniform Project™ started in 2009 when a young woman realized she was drowning in the doldrums of an advertising career. To counter the uninspired demands of the corporate world, she came up with an unusual creative challenge; to wear the same dress for an entire year – but, and this is where the real challenge came in, she'd have to make it look unique every single day and do so without buying anything new. The challenge was also designed to be an online fundraiser, raising money to send underprivileged kids to school.

Thus, in May 2009, with fashion as her medium, and education her cause, U.P founder Sheena Matheiken launched the Uniform Project, pledging to wear one little black dress for 365 days as an exercise in sustainability and a fundraiser to support the Akanksha Foundation – a non-profit organization providing education to children living in Indian slums. And for the next year, Sheena reinvented her uniform solely using accessories that were either vintage, handmade, reused or donated."

So what did we learn from Sheena? We learn that fashion:

1) doesn't have to cost a lot and can be recycled or reused. Vintage is chic, ya know! Good for the piggy bank AND good for the planet!

2) can literally be worn 365 different ways with one basic LBD.

3) accessories really can be your friend. Jewelry, belts, hats, shoes, bags are great pieces to have to help accentuate and enliven any outfit. Just be sure to keep it organized so you know what you have so you can use it. But remember Coco Chanel's saying about accessories...in case you forgot already, refer to last week's blog post. ;)

4) can be glamorous but at the end of the day, the most admired accessory any woman can wear isn't a ring with the most bling or the bag with the most bucks, it's compassion and kindness.Women like Jackie O, Audrey Hepburn and Princess Diana were admired not just because they dressed well but because they had heart. And heart outlasts any fashion trend, any season.

It's timeless.

Falling Into This Season's Fashion Trends

Courtesy of Michael Kors

A big part of delivering your message, meeting your goals and reaching your dreams, is about showing up looking presentable! No one wins a bid, gets seed funding or clutches an interview for your dream job wearing a potato sack. And contrary to belief that most men and women in the Silicon Valley don't know how to dress; (READ: company logo wear is NOT a style!!) even our most challenged know to show up to an interview wearing clean socks and a business professional jacket. So this week, rather than give you my usual motivational tidbits to kick off your Monday morning, I'm sharing with you my five favorite fall trends for this season.

1) Camel - Specifically a camel boyfriend jacket. It's my latest obsession for fall. The boyfriend jacket has become such a staple in every stylish gal's closet and can be worn for work or play. Changing up the color from the usual black to camel makes for a classic, clean fall look that will get you through the winter. Mix it up with a black and white outfit like Michael Kors did in his show (refer to photo) or go head to toe (H2T) in winter whites and you'll look so chic!

2) Gray Tones - Wearing gray H2T can look fab or drab depending on how you pair your pieces and mix up the tones. Wear a one note and you'll look like one lonely stormy cloud. But mix up the tones and throw in a small punch of color - or wear a crisp white shirt, if you prefer to play it safe - and you'll look put together and ready to power play.

3) Separates - The dress is certainly not dead but it has definitely made some fashionistas lazy with wardrobe creativity! Yes, it's easy to mindlessly throw on a dress and head out the door but for many reasons along with the obvious like colder weather, the dress can take a rest. Instead, go for a pair of well tailored slacks with a smart top (possibly with that camel jacket) and you're ready to go!

4) Boots - Every girl's favorite fall accessory are boots. And there are plenty of them this season in all different heights, shapes and sizes. When all else fails when you're getting dressed, you know you can always resort to wearing a great pair of boots to jazz up your outfit and add a little sex appeal to your look. And no matter what anyone says to you or what fashion magazines you read, according to my philosophy of style, the kitten heel was never in...in order to be back! Wear a heel or wear a flat but what the heck is a kitten heel, especially with a dress or skirt?! Unless you have modelesque legs and stand 5'10", you'll make yourself look like you have tree trunks for legs. Don't do it. BUT if you just cannot help yourself, hide them under those lovely pair of slacks I mentioned earlier. God forbid I see you on the street in a skirt and kitten heels! I'll give you the evil eye and a ticket for a major fashion offense.

5) Minimalism - Coco Chanel tells us that before we leave the house, we should look at all the accessories we're wearing and take one off. Rachel Zoe would tell you to pile three or five more pieces on. Well this season, give your accessories a mini vacay. Keep your jewelry simple. Let your look be about all the clean lines and quality of your clothes and forget all the jingle jangle. We don't need to know that you're coming halfway down the hall. It gives everyone way too much time to quiet down their chatter about your jangles before you arrive.

Feeling inspired to look your best this season or just feeling overwhelmed because fashion "isn't your thing"? Don't fret, my pretties! Next week, we'll take off the rack...to off the hook!

The Things We Leave Behind

Courtesy of Lisa Teling Kattenbraker, Artist

This weekend I hopped on the ferry with my cousin to the Sausalito Art Festival. It was perfect weekend weather to be outdoors at an art festival appreciating art, wine and music. Hoping to be inspired but not exactly sure what to expect, I ended up with much more than what I had bargained for. My mind reveled in the imaginations of Alvin Schnupp, Ted Gale, and Juli Adams. And I delightfully donned hats designed by Diane Harty and Kate Bishop that made me want to doll up for the Kentucky Derby. While I enjoyed the hundred or so artists at the festival, one young batik artist named Lisa Teling Kattenbraker struck me most.

One of her pieces, appropriately titled, "The Things We Leave Behind" got my mental wheels turning about all the transitions we are faced with in our lives. Whether created by our own doing or by forces beyond our control, we are presented with these scenarios whether we want to deal with them or not. In order to grow and develop, we have to be able to change. One of the many lessons to be learned in the process of change is learning to let go of things that no longer serve you well. And rather than knowingly stay in a blissful ignorant state or reverting back to days way gone by, the ambiguity that comes with change can be adventurous, exciting and decadent food for the soul. I mean, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but life doesn't work backwards no matter how much you desperately hold on to your glory days of college or how many surgeries you undergo in an attempt to stop a natural human process.

There is nothing more graceful than coming across a woman who embraces life, exactly where she is in the moment. She exudes a quiet strength and confidence that one could never fake. She knows where she's going because of where she has been and trusts that her instincts will steer her in the right direction. She can look back at the things she's left behind with fondness about the lessons she has learned, loved ones adored and lost, mistakes made and sometimes made again, just for good measure.

Whatever it may be for you that you hold on to that no longer serves you - a romantic partner who doesn't value your worth, a friend who is only there for you when it's convenient or easy, a certain lifestyle that only satisfies a status but leaves you spiritually broke, a job that doesn't challenge you, or a hometown or childhood that keeps you from being able to reinvent yourself...your time is now. There will be no next time, a better time or a maybe later that will be more suitable than today. Hiding from your future is a futile exercise in watching your life just pass you by. Moving on is inevitable and rather than treating your life as if you're running standing still, pick up a pen and start writing the next chapter of your life.