Respect Is More Than Just A Song...



Courtesy of the World Wide Web

 Aretha Franklin will be the first to tell you all about R-E-S-P-E-C-T and we will proudly sing along with her at the top our lungs, just loud enough for our neighbors to wish they could tune us out. Yet most of us will likely have a somewhat diluted insight into what it really means to respect yourself and others. So let's take a quick peek at the good ol' trusty Webster's Dictionary to find out what respect means. "To consider worthy of high regard...a high or special regard...the quality or state of being..." Synonyms include "reference, regard, appreciate, consider, admire."

I don't know about you but I'm no more clearer about what respect means by those definitions than I am about seeing my own reflection in the mud. This singular definition says respect is for those who have somehow earned a certain level of achievement or regard or only reserved for those of high profile and stature. But what about everyone else? What about everyday encounters, everyday interactions between people in the various relationships we maintain? What does respect look like in those situations?

Let me take a step back and give you some background on why this topic of respect. Recently I joined a founding board of a new nonprofit called The Respect Institute headquartered in the Silicon Valley. I gravitated towards this work for several reasons, one of which I have eluded to in a prior posting. The lengths at which children and adults will go to make others feel bad for the sake of popularity, advancement or just sport is heartwrenching and painful to encounter; both as the person being picked on and also as the bystander who wants to do something but is too afraid to step up in fear of becoming another target for the terrorizer(s). In elementary and jr high school, for years I endured being told I was ugly, flat chested, flat nosed, short, and made fun for the clothes I wore because they weren't brand names. Some days I would open my backpack to find the remains of everyone's lunches from the garbage can. Another time someone stole my purse and dumped all its contents all over the girls' bathroom. Once a girl nearly drowned me in a swimming pool and laughed the entire time while I screamed bloody murder for what felt like hours before her older brother heard me and tore out of the house to pull me out. And then there were the non-stop constant crank calls at all hours of the night every night which affected my entire family.

Tell Your Truth. Know You're Valuable. Follow Your Passions. Trust Your Gut. Set Boundaries - Speak Up. Be Compassionate - Listen. Get Help. Spread Respect. These are the Respect Basics principles that The Respect Institute provides to youth, parents, educators, policymakers and organizations through their vision, tools and research. They equip individuals and organziations with the skills necessary to develop self-respect and spread respect to stop bullying, domestic violence, teen pregnancy, and discrimination and to promote healthy relationships, communication, peace and collective collaboration towards a more humane and compassionate society.

So how can you make Respect more than just a song? Make a commitment to live out and explore the Respect Basics in your own life. You can also become a Respect Ambassador and support our work by making a donation: www.therespectinstitute.org

Respect Institute's work matters because children and adults should not be treated any less than with compassion, kindness, care and respect. We need to make this a practice that occurs everyday in every interaction we have with every person we encounter, even with those who do not hold the same values or intentions we do. Hate makes our world a very ugly place but I am certain that respect and compassion will prevail.

Do You Suffer From AMGS?



Courtesy of the World Wide Web

 [enter: ambiguous voice of a prescription medication commercial]

Have you or anyone you know ever experienced any of the following symptoms?

- Made fun of strangers for their physical appearance

- Talked negatively behind a friend's back

- Played a prank on a friend in the name of humor

- Spread rumors that damaged someone's reputation

- Purposely criticized a friend to fuel their insecurities

- Demean someone's character or confidence

- Dismissed a friend's feelings

- Tormented, embarrassed or harassed a friend or stranger in public

You may also experience other symptoms such as: verbal diarhhea, inability to keep secrets, insincerity, lack of compassion and tolerance, challenges in giving others compliments, closemindedness, jealously, fear, insecurity, joy in seeing others in agony and scarcity.

If you have said yes to any of these, then you or someone you know may be suffering from AMGS - Adult Mean Girl Syndrome. It can also be known as Adult Mean Guy Syndrome, as this pyschological ailment does not discriminate between genders.

What is AMGS?

AMGS is prevalent in today's culture and can be easily found anywhere - in the workplace, among circles of friends, within families, and worst of all it is highly sensationalized in the media. From shows like the Bad Girls Club to The Housewives of 'Enter Major City Here', we see horrific displays of AMGS among women. With shows like this on the air, it's no wonder why we see so many heartbreaking stories of teen suicide due to bullying.

Let's face it, no matter how much we may think our kids can think for themselves (and many of them do), they also learn by watching what we as adults do. And if they see adults treating one another with little to no respect, guess what? They will do the same because they think if it works for us, then it must work for them.

The Cure.

Obviously there is no psychological condition called AMGS and all joking aside, women's bad behavior towards other women truly does absolutely nothing for the advancement of women in today's society. No, let's take it one step further; it does nothing for our society as a whole. If anything, it makes us look back asswards. It's disturbing that some take Darwin's concept of survival of the fittest to mean that cutting down someone's existence will make them better, if not the best, above everyone else.

So what is the cure for AMGS? Treatment and rehabilitation can include respect, kindness, compassion, empathy, humility, abundance, generosity, sincerity, tolerance, acceptance. Combatting AMGS isn't easy, but it's also not impossible. Those who know their boundaries and learn to speak up for themselves and others will not only survive AMGS but overcome it. By simply choosing not to accept AMGS in our lives, we make room to create a nurturing community of friends and family who will encourage your further development and growth.

A Moment of Reflection

Courtesy of the World Wide Web

Yesterday I was delighted to have experienced one of the most inspiring founding board retreats I had ever been a part of. We stretched our imaginations and dreamed infinitely about where we could see this organization in 10 years and what its impact would be on communities all over the world. But before we could even look 10 years ahead for the organization, I was posed with a challenge by a fellow board member to reflect on my own life, not looking ahead but looking back at the past 10 years.

When someone asks to you to look back on the last 10 years of your life, it can be a bit daunting. But as this question began to settle itself in my mind and I allowed it to be digested for thought, it turned out to be a revealing and enriching process. At first it felt like watching a movie or film reel of short images that flickered onto screen; memories of all sorts - ones full of laughter, passion, joy, pride, humility, pain, heartache, forgiveness. But as I continued to look deeper, I realized how much I had grown and learned, good and bad and I realized how grateful I felt for having had those experiences happen to/for/by me over the past 10 years.

For many of us, we may look back on our last 10 years and say that we feel pretty good about what we've done and how we've gotten to where we are today. For others, looking back might remind us of how much more we have to go because we're not where we expected to be. Or perhaps we fear looking back only reminds us that we're getting old and we're determined to somehow be that one person who miraculously finally figures out how to stop time.

I'm an avid believer in living in the moment but I also think there is so much value to gifting ourselves the time to reflect. Without it, you wind up at the end of the road with no idea how the heck you got there with no markers, milestones or memories. Reflection affords us the ability to find quiet and peace from the noise around us, to celebrate successes, and to process life changes. Most importantly, reflection provides us with the inner guidance, wisdom, and clarity we need in order to ensure our next life experience is rich and meaningful.

But don't be fooled to believe that reflection is the same as allowing the past to paralyze you from moving forward. There is nothing that frustrates me more than meeting a person who excuses themselves from being a person of greatness because unfortunate or painful situations happened to them in their past. The present, let alone the past does not predict your future. Learn your lessons through reflection and move on so you can get to the real business of the day, which is to answer the question, how do I live the best version of myself today?

Ugly Betty may be over, but her spirit lives on!

Courtesy of ABC.com

A few months have passed since the last episode of the Ugly Betty series but I can't help but think about our beloved Betty. We watched her say her goodbyes as she made the leap from Queens to London to follow her dreams and I can't help but wonder when the last time I checked in with my own inner "Ugly Betty"? Let's face it. Despite the different paths we've traveled, some part of us can relate to her angst and the stark juxtaposition she is constantly faced with being who she is and challenged to find symmetry with her physical environment. And yet, she always finds a way to prevail in her own spunky unconventional way.

We all have defining moments in life. One of my earlier moments happened in the fourth grade. I had recently moved from Texas to California with my family with hopes of finding gold…okay, not gold-more like silicon like Silicon Valley. To say that I experienced some growing pains adjusting to our new life would be a huge understatement. While the popular girls at my school sported the latest LA Gear sneakers with matching jean jackets, I was shopping at only God knows where because we didn’t have the same financial means to be able to outfit me with the latest fashions to hit the blacktop. One of my most infamous outfits was a pair hot pink coolats and a white tee printed with one huge happy face strewn across from sleeve to sleeve in matching hot pink. While I was proud of my pink outfit, the popular girls at school were quick to call me names and laugh at my "screaming pregnant face" t-shirt. I had never felt so humiliated and hurt by their attitude towards me. They made sure I knew that I was different and I should be treated as such. But even despite the name calling, I continued rocking out in hot pink and still loved wearing my t-shirt, “screaming pregnant face” and all.

The point of the story is this: Betty taught us that sometimes bucking the trend can be a good thing. Conformity is sometimes necessary but more often than not, we lose our ability to think for ourselves and embrace our individuality when we allow ourselves to be unrealistically pressured into how we should look and act to the point where we literally don't recognize ourselves in the mirror (a la Heidi from The Hills). In a day and age when everyone claims to revel in being an individual when in reality everyone goes to the same plastic surgeon, drives the same luxury car, and carries only designer bags (or even willing to carry fakes just to fit in), you have to stop and ask yourself, am I really being true to myself? If I could share my truth, what would I say? What would Betty say about this?

My guess is Betty would say, look beyond what you can buy that will make you happy. Because once you've bought everything that can be bought, changed, rearranged, and upgraded, if you haven't spent a single second to stop and taken a deep dive into your soul, you will never be happy. The key to happiness can be very simple. Know what you're passionate about and know what you're good at. If you can marry what you're passionate about and what you're good at and do it for a cause larger than yourself, you have found happiness. This kind of happiness isn't momentary or fleeting like the superficial conformity we are all familiar with. True happiness is unique, sacred, and abundant and harmonious. Betty knew this and followed her heart all the way to London. What deep dive into your soul do you need to do in order to get to your destination?