The Beauty of Bucket Lists

Courtesy of the World Wide Web

Most of my life I had always had the comfort of knowing what was was coming next in my life. I was very blessed to have a stable family life and much of knowing where I was going was due to the support and guidance of my parents. Because of this, I became quite skilled at planning and liked knowing what was next. Graduate high school, go to college, meet a guy in college, graduate college, marry guy from college, start first career...check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Divorce guy I married from college - cheeeeeck...wait a minute. Crap. That wasn't part of the plan!

So there I was in my mid 20s, completely off my proverbial path with no plan. If you know a planner or you are one yourself, you know how unnerving it feels for a planner to be smacked in the face with this unknown reality called AMBIGUITY. Not to know what would come next was damn near frightening. As I fumbled through the first year in this place called ambiguity, frantically trying to find where the emergency exits were, I began to slowly take in this bizarre and incredibly uncomfortable position I found myself in.

Bucket lists as we all traditionally know them to be, are reserved for the time in life when we need an assessment of everything we've done or wanted to do in life before we 'kick the bucket'. But why only use it for that purpose? And why wait until then?

So I created my own list. And rather than live the linear life that I thought I wanted and what was expected of me, I began to ever so cautiously find bits of joy in the freedom of being able to design my life in any way I wanted. It was like being given a huge empty blank canvas and being told paint anything I want. And so I did. I will never forget the first time I hailed a cab in Manhattan. And learned to enjoy eating in a restaurant at a table for one. Or when I booked my first modeling job and recieved my first paycheck. Or the first day of grad school. When I saw the Effel Tower for the first time. Or when I produced my first fashion show. And ziplined in the Costa Rican rainforests.

I am now in my early 30s and though I know I'm still young in the grand scheme of things, the past few years have been overwhelmingly abundant and exhilarating. The moment I allowed myself to accept ambiguity, it freed me to explore outside the box and ask myself, what if and why not. Bucket lists aren't about endings or about where you are in terms of years left in life. It's really about creating new beginnings and starting wherever you may be. You may have experienced a great loss like a partner or a job, but realize this is not where your story ends. It's where a new one begins. So take out a piece of paper, poster board, journal or e-pad and start your own bucket list and design your future in ways you never could imagine. You will never find a more rewarding way to plan your life.

A Moment of Reflection

Courtesy of the World Wide Web

Yesterday I was delighted to have experienced one of the most inspiring founding board retreats I had ever been a part of. We stretched our imaginations and dreamed infinitely about where we could see this organization in 10 years and what its impact would be on communities all over the world. But before we could even look 10 years ahead for the organization, I was posed with a challenge by a fellow board member to reflect on my own life, not looking ahead but looking back at the past 10 years.

When someone asks to you to look back on the last 10 years of your life, it can be a bit daunting. But as this question began to settle itself in my mind and I allowed it to be digested for thought, it turned out to be a revealing and enriching process. At first it felt like watching a movie or film reel of short images that flickered onto screen; memories of all sorts - ones full of laughter, passion, joy, pride, humility, pain, heartache, forgiveness. But as I continued to look deeper, I realized how much I had grown and learned, good and bad and I realized how grateful I felt for having had those experiences happen to/for/by me over the past 10 years.

For many of us, we may look back on our last 10 years and say that we feel pretty good about what we've done and how we've gotten to where we are today. For others, looking back might remind us of how much more we have to go because we're not where we expected to be. Or perhaps we fear looking back only reminds us that we're getting old and we're determined to somehow be that one person who miraculously finally figures out how to stop time.

I'm an avid believer in living in the moment but I also think there is so much value to gifting ourselves the time to reflect. Without it, you wind up at the end of the road with no idea how the heck you got there with no markers, milestones or memories. Reflection affords us the ability to find quiet and peace from the noise around us, to celebrate successes, and to process life changes. Most importantly, reflection provides us with the inner guidance, wisdom, and clarity we need in order to ensure our next life experience is rich and meaningful.

But don't be fooled to believe that reflection is the same as allowing the past to paralyze you from moving forward. There is nothing that frustrates me more than meeting a person who excuses themselves from being a person of greatness because unfortunate or painful situations happened to them in their past. The present, let alone the past does not predict your future. Learn your lessons through reflection and move on so you can get to the real business of the day, which is to answer the question, how do I live the best version of myself today?

The Things We Leave Behind

Courtesy of Lisa Teling Kattenbraker, Artist

This weekend I hopped on the ferry with my cousin to the Sausalito Art Festival. It was perfect weekend weather to be outdoors at an art festival appreciating art, wine and music. Hoping to be inspired but not exactly sure what to expect, I ended up with much more than what I had bargained for. My mind reveled in the imaginations of Alvin Schnupp, Ted Gale, and Juli Adams. And I delightfully donned hats designed by Diane Harty and Kate Bishop that made me want to doll up for the Kentucky Derby. While I enjoyed the hundred or so artists at the festival, one young batik artist named Lisa Teling Kattenbraker struck me most.

One of her pieces, appropriately titled, "The Things We Leave Behind" got my mental wheels turning about all the transitions we are faced with in our lives. Whether created by our own doing or by forces beyond our control, we are presented with these scenarios whether we want to deal with them or not. In order to grow and develop, we have to be able to change. One of the many lessons to be learned in the process of change is learning to let go of things that no longer serve you well. And rather than knowingly stay in a blissful ignorant state or reverting back to days way gone by, the ambiguity that comes with change can be adventurous, exciting and decadent food for the soul. I mean, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but life doesn't work backwards no matter how much you desperately hold on to your glory days of college or how many surgeries you undergo in an attempt to stop a natural human process.

There is nothing more graceful than coming across a woman who embraces life, exactly where she is in the moment. She exudes a quiet strength and confidence that one could never fake. She knows where she's going because of where she has been and trusts that her instincts will steer her in the right direction. She can look back at the things she's left behind with fondness about the lessons she has learned, loved ones adored and lost, mistakes made and sometimes made again, just for good measure.

Whatever it may be for you that you hold on to that no longer serves you - a romantic partner who doesn't value your worth, a friend who is only there for you when it's convenient or easy, a certain lifestyle that only satisfies a status but leaves you spiritually broke, a job that doesn't challenge you, or a hometown or childhood that keeps you from being able to reinvent yourself...your time is now. There will be no next time, a better time or a maybe later that will be more suitable than today. Hiding from your future is a futile exercise in watching your life just pass you by. Moving on is inevitable and rather than treating your life as if you're running standing still, pick up a pen and start writing the next chapter of your life.

Ugly Betty may be over, but her spirit lives on!

Courtesy of ABC.com

A few months have passed since the last episode of the Ugly Betty series but I can't help but think about our beloved Betty. We watched her say her goodbyes as she made the leap from Queens to London to follow her dreams and I can't help but wonder when the last time I checked in with my own inner "Ugly Betty"? Let's face it. Despite the different paths we've traveled, some part of us can relate to her angst and the stark juxtaposition she is constantly faced with being who she is and challenged to find symmetry with her physical environment. And yet, she always finds a way to prevail in her own spunky unconventional way.

We all have defining moments in life. One of my earlier moments happened in the fourth grade. I had recently moved from Texas to California with my family with hopes of finding gold…okay, not gold-more like silicon like Silicon Valley. To say that I experienced some growing pains adjusting to our new life would be a huge understatement. While the popular girls at my school sported the latest LA Gear sneakers with matching jean jackets, I was shopping at only God knows where because we didn’t have the same financial means to be able to outfit me with the latest fashions to hit the blacktop. One of my most infamous outfits was a pair hot pink coolats and a white tee printed with one huge happy face strewn across from sleeve to sleeve in matching hot pink. While I was proud of my pink outfit, the popular girls at school were quick to call me names and laugh at my "screaming pregnant face" t-shirt. I had never felt so humiliated and hurt by their attitude towards me. They made sure I knew that I was different and I should be treated as such. But even despite the name calling, I continued rocking out in hot pink and still loved wearing my t-shirt, “screaming pregnant face” and all.

The point of the story is this: Betty taught us that sometimes bucking the trend can be a good thing. Conformity is sometimes necessary but more often than not, we lose our ability to think for ourselves and embrace our individuality when we allow ourselves to be unrealistically pressured into how we should look and act to the point where we literally don't recognize ourselves in the mirror (a la Heidi from The Hills). In a day and age when everyone claims to revel in being an individual when in reality everyone goes to the same plastic surgeon, drives the same luxury car, and carries only designer bags (or even willing to carry fakes just to fit in), you have to stop and ask yourself, am I really being true to myself? If I could share my truth, what would I say? What would Betty say about this?

My guess is Betty would say, look beyond what you can buy that will make you happy. Because once you've bought everything that can be bought, changed, rearranged, and upgraded, if you haven't spent a single second to stop and taken a deep dive into your soul, you will never be happy. The key to happiness can be very simple. Know what you're passionate about and know what you're good at. If you can marry what you're passionate about and what you're good at and do it for a cause larger than yourself, you have found happiness. This kind of happiness isn't momentary or fleeting like the superficial conformity we are all familiar with. True happiness is unique, sacred, and abundant and harmonious. Betty knew this and followed her heart all the way to London. What deep dive into your soul do you need to do in order to get to your destination?